Knitting

I Think I Can Do This Now

One sentence and I already have a lump in my throat……..

Last Thursday, Mr. iknead and I made the decision that no animal lover ever wants to make.  We euthanized our JosiePug due to a combination of acute and chronic issues that she developed over the last few months that were only going to worsen.

Back in February, we learned Josie had developed diabetes, which we started treating with twice a day insulin injections.  This was the easy part.  After getting her sugars under control, she perked right up and was doing well.  I should mention that Josie was 12 years old – almost 13.  We had been noticing for quite a while that she was losing her hearing, or, being a Pug, just ignoring us.  Probably a bit of both if I had to say.  It wasn’t long after her diabetes diagnosis that we could tell her sight wasn’t as good as it had been.  She still got around OK, it was mostly a case of sometimes not being able to find a dropped treat and occasional head bonks if something unfamiliar was in her path, nothing that we couldn’t handle.  We just had to be diligent about not moving familiar things in her path and making sure we put away things that might be a problem after we were finished with them – a good habit at any time.

We medically boarded her for the two and a half weeks while we went to Bangkok to visit Big Mommy, Big Daddy and the grands – the Papoose, the Sprout and the Peach and soaked up as much fam love as possible.

According to our vet and his staff, Josie did well during that time, with good blood sugar control and was tolerating the boarding situation well.

A day or so after we got back, Mr. iknead noticed that her eyes were red and a little runny.  We called the vet and he prescribed Neomycin and steroid eyedrops.  After a couple of days of treatment we could see that the drops weren’t working.  Actually, they were much worse and she showed signs of complete blindness — bumping into things, getting lost in familiar settings, with heavy panting and occasional housebreaking slipups.  This is when we knew we had to start making hard decisions about what sort of treatment we were willing to have her undergo and having an honest, read heartwrenching, discussion with our vet regarding what we were dealing with, treatment outcomes and Josie’s quality of life with or without treatment.  I suppose you could call it an Advance Directive.

Long story short, we were not dealing with conjunctivitis or minor corneal injury – remember, she couldn’t see and was bumping into things, but had an abcess internally in her right eyeball along with a severe corneal ulcer in the left.  The doc said the only treatment he could offer would be to remove her eyes, but since she was already blind, it would just be comfort care.  This was a situation that Mr. iknead and I had already discussed and made a tentative decision on.  We felt, given her age, along with her underlying other problems, insulin dependent diabetes, deafness and the stress she was under, that we needed to let her go, that her quality of life was nowhere near even tolerable and, as much as we wanted her to never leave us, it was selfish of us to prolong her misery to make us feel better.

The end was very peaceful.  The doc gave her an injection to relax and calm her and when she went to sleep, he gave her another injection to finish.  We held her and loved her and told her all about how she was the best Pug ever, the prettiest, the smartest and most lovable baby ever.  We told her that while we were sad, we were happy that her pain and stress would be gone, and she’d again be full of joy and puggy perfection, never missing a treat or a belly rub, and snorting and snoring away.

I don’t care what others think, in my world, ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN!

Josie

Hardest post ever!!😭😭😭
B

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